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Apologizing Well

Apologizing has become somewhat of a lost art, don't you think?  And to a large degree it's understandable because no one likes to admit failure - it's humiliating and when done well, there's no room for pride to stick around.  Which is why it's so hard to do!  Yet.....you know this as well as I do...apologizing well is one of the most powerful gestures we could ever show another human being. 

So here's five quick thoughts on how to do it well.

1.  Acknowledge your failure.

"I have failed you.  I've let you down.  I have done wrong."

2.  Acknowledge the impact of the failure.

"I have failed you....and as a result, I know I've caused you a lot of pain....I've put you in a very precarious position.....I have hurt you."

What NOT to say: "I'm sorry you were offended by what I did."  NO. That sucks.  Take responsibility.

3.  Tell them you're sorry.

"I've failed you....and I know it has caused you a lot of pain....and I just want you to know that I am truly sorry."

4.  Commit to change.

"....and I'll do whatever I can to make sure that never happens again."

5.  Shut the #*($&! up.

This is where we get into trouble.  Because the tendency is to add on:

"I'm sorry....it's just that..."

"I'm sorry....but I didn't mean it!"

"I'm sorry...it's just that you..."

No.  Don't make excuses.  Don't complicate it.  Don't qualify it. 

I'm calling it SHOCKTOBER.

Ok, so there are around 2.4 billion things that I'm excited about right now.  And I seriously feel like I need to pinch myself just to make sure this is all real.  Here's a taste.

STORY - It happens next week!  Can't wait.  Around 1,700 pastors, communicators, church leaders, writers, speakers, etc will converge for two days to learn and be inspired by an amazing line up of storytellers -   people like Dave Gibbons, Ed Young, Donald Miller, Nancy Beach, Mike Foster, Stacy Spencer, Chris Seay, and others.  The first day happens on Wednesday, October 28th at the beautiful Paramount Theater in downtown Aurora.  The next day will be workshops (sold out!) happening at The Orchard.  Honored to host and be a part of STORY!

CULTIVATE - Seriously, Chicagoland is the place to be in October.  Cultivate is a highly interactive, conversational, collaborative un-conference that's all about church communication.  It's happening the day before STORY.  And the lineup of facilitators is just sick.  Wow.

DAVE GIBBONS - We are honored to have Dave speak at The Orchard's gatherings the weekend following STORY.  Not only is Dave a good friend, but he's someone God has used to impact my life in some pretty significant ways.  I'm thrilled that our church community gets to hear and learn from him!

THE NEW & IMPROVED....ORCHARD - The Orchard has had an extreme makeover!  Through the amazing "pro bono" generosity of fellow Orchard tribal members, Dawn & Keith Baldwin (Aspire One), we have a new logo and amazzzing new website that will go live later THIS WEEK.  I'll talk more about this in a later post...  STAY TUNED!

LOVE.SERVE.GIVE. - It's The Orchard's GLOCAL outreach opportunities this winter.  More about this later as well... But just know that we are going to have some amazing opportunities to bring beauty and hope to people locally in our city and globally in places like Uganda, Thailand, and El Salvador.  

ORCHARD ART INITIATIVE - Too much to type, but The Orchard is turning into an art gallery starting this month.  Our campus will be filled with art from local artists.  Huge dream come true, but only the beginning...

Ok, there's more, but I my fingers hurt and I need to study.  OUT.

Orlando...Austin...Atlanta.....and next, Uganda.

Ok, I'm diving back in to the blog.  It's been way too long.  My lame excuse: I've been running 200MPH since a few weeks before Easter with writing, travel, etc... and blogging just hasn't been that high on my priority list.  Sorry faithful folks.

So anyway...  Rather than try to knock out a bunch of amazing blog posts, I thought I'd throw out a few random thoughts of what's been happening over these past few weeks.  Here we go:

• Easter.  This year's Easter weekend The Orchard was a record-breaking weekend!  Our teams did an amazing job and I think my head is still spinning after a HUGELY successful Helicopter Easter Egg Drop.  All I can say is WOW.  If you missed the video review, click here.
  
  
• Orlando.  Had a great time at Exponential in Orlando.  Exponential is sort of a like a big family reunion (but without the weird uncle and the funky potato salad).  This is actually the largest church planting conference in North America and one that I would definitely encourage all church planters to attend in 2010.  Had fun teaching a session with Gary Lamb (did he really say "wanker"??) and then participating in some great conversations in the Exponential Lounge with guys like Erwin McManus, Francis Chan, Dave Ferguson, Craig Groeschel, Matt Chandler, and others. 
  
  
• Austin. After a couple of days home I found myself in the amazing city of Austin, TX to be a part of Q.  Q is one of my favorite gatherings of the year.  It's small and all about influencing and changing culture.  Think TED format.  Loved connecting with a bunch of friends - both new and old.  People like Kem Meyer, Mike Foster, Jeff Shinabarger, Tim Stevens, Alan Hirsch, Kyle Zimmerman, John Burke, Rick McKinley, Chris Seay, Gabe Lyons, Mel McGowan, Charles Lee, and a bunch of other amazing people. Next year, Q will be here - in Chicago!
  
  
• Austin II.  All I can say is - what a cool city.  And with a slogan that's all about keeping it "weird" what do you expect??  Check out a few photos I posted in Facebook.
  
  
• Jackie Huba.  Writer, Author, Speaker, Blogger, Marketing Guru-ess, co-founder of the Society for Word of Mouth.  Forbes calls her work "the word of mouth gospel."  Anyway....  Had a chance to grab lunch with Jackie while in Austin.  That was worth the trip alone.  If you don't follow her twitter you need to. 
  
  
• Atlanta.  Orange.  It's THE premier and the BEST family ministry conference in the flippin' universe.  Loved being a part of this and having the opportunity to share The Orchard's story and some thoughts/ideas on the topic of navigating change with a room full of Lead Pastors and Senior Leaders.  Just wish I could have stuck around for more than a few hours, but was glad to be able to hang with a few of our staff who were attending and introduce them to some killer Korean BBQ. 
  
  
• Uganda.  In a couple of weeks.  More on this later, but looking forward to getting my heart messed up by this trip. 
  
  
• Study.  It's what I should be doing right now.  So I'm done.  Hopefully back in the groove of blogging.  We'll see.  Thanks for the encouragement folks.

Conversation with Craig Groeschel

Craig Groeschel has a new book out called, It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It.    

What is it?  Good question. 

It isn't easy to define, but one thing is certain - everyone knows it when they see it.  From the book:

"When a church has it, everyone can tell.  And when one doesn't....everyone can tell.  The same is true for leaders.  Some leaders have it.  Some don't. 

I promise, if it has come to a ministry near you, people are talking about it.  When a ministry has it, the ground seems to rumble.  Everyone hears about it. 

I believe that God makes it available to anyone who wants it.  I believe it wants to give it to you and your ministry." 

As I mentioned the other day, Craig is doing some blog hopping this week to talk about it, and he's starting RIGHT HERE.  So without further ado....

Hey Craig - thanks for stopping by!  I know I'm only supposed to ask one question, but I have two. 

First, have you ever thought about packaging and selling it to smaller churches?  Or better yet, giving it away FREE on the OPEN site?

(No Answer)

Secondly, do you believe in the doctrine of once it - always it?  If not, what are some shifts, changes, or adjustments you've had to make in your personal leadership over the years to ensure not LOSING it? 

Do I believe in once-IT, always-IT?  I wish I did.  Some people who are totally surrendered to Christ, get IT and keep IT. Sadly though, many people don’t.  It is very clear that just because you have IT doesn’t mean you’ll keep IT. The good news is, if you don’t have IT you can get IT.

When I first experienced the grace and love of Christ, serving Him was all that mattered. I gladly left a future in the business world for full-time vocational ministry without any hesitations. Oddly though, in the coming years, I let ministry beat IT out of me. Some people were cruel. Some of my ideas bombed. Before long, I found myself caring more about what the people thought about me than what God thought about me. That dangerous shift caused me to lose IT.

You asked how to ensure that a leader doesn’t lose IT. I think the approach would vary from leader to leader. For me, developing relationships with people who not yet believers keeps me passionate to help them know Christ. Seeing God work internationally makes a huge difference. (In my opinion, our American perspective of God is way too small and limited.) I am also totally dependant on time in God’s word. When I neglect His word, I lose IT quickly.

On a side note, it seems that those who are off-the-charts passionate about Christ and His mission often lead fast growing churches. In the rush of growth years, it is easy to neglect the very One who brought all the growth. I am committed to do whatever it takes to keep Christ in the center of all I do.

Thanks for your leadership and awesome ministry!

Thanks Craig!  Appreciate your time.  

Pick up Craig's new book here.